BORN TO DOMINATE: Overcoming Controlling Behaviors in Relationships
Understanding Dominating Personalities
There exists another type of individual who may not be aware of their controlling patterns. Psychologists often refer to this person as having a dominating or controlling personality. Unlike those who imitate their parents’ model, these individuals act out the script inherent in their own personality.
The Power of Dominating Personalities
Individuals with dominating personalities frequently become leaders in various domains such as the community, workplace, or church. They possess the qualities necessary to take charge, solve problems, make decisions, and accomplish tasks. Their proactive and assertive nature, coupled with high levels of self-confidence, allows them to believe in their ability to achieve anything. Assign them a task, and they will complete it efficiently. Their focus is on progress rather than feelings, adopting a mindset of “Why does it matter how you feel? Let’s focus on getting the job done.”
Goals vs. Relationships
Dominant personalities prioritize goals over relationships. While they are effective in achieving objectives, they often harm people along the way, considering it a necessary cost for reaching their goals. They are always prepared to argue and persuade opponents that they are mistaken, and they may employ intimidation or any means necessary to achieve their aims.
Rigidity in Approach
These individuals typically exhibit rigidity in their approach. They firmly believe that there is only one task to be completed, one way to accomplish it (their way), and one timeframe to do so (immediately). Once they have taken on a task, they prefer not to be bothered with questions such as “Why are we doing this?” And once they have devised a plan, they dislike being slowed down by inquiries like “Is this the best way to do it?”
The Impact on Marriage
When an individual with a dominating personality enters a marriage, they bring their dominant traits into the relationship and act according to their natural inclinations. For them, getting married itself was a task, and they exerted effort to reach that goal. However, after the wedding, their focus shifts to the next task, resulting in significant behavioral changes. Many wives attest that the person they married seems to disappear after the wedding day.
The Story of Phillip: An Efficiency Expert’s Journey
Phillip, an efficiency expert, exemplifies a dominating personality. With a vision to retire at fifty, he pursued it diligently. Excelling as an engineer, managing his finances skillfully, and strictly adhering to a budget, he believed he was acting in their best interest. However, his wife, Gina, disagreed with the budget, and her objections were perceived by Phillip as a challenge to his leadership and capabilities. Frustrated, he grew angry and distant, unable to understand why she was making a fuss. Eventually, Gina stopped discussing it, and Phillip interpreted her silence as acceptance. He proceeded to apply his efficiency expertise to various aspects of their life, dismissing Gina’s concerns as irrelevant.
Transformation and Rebuilding
Phillip’s realization came when he received a letter from Gina explaining her reasons for leaving. Shocked and disbelieving, he began reflecting on his actions and the impact they had on their marriage. Determined to make amends, he reached out to Gina with sincere apologies and a genuine desire to change. Through counseling and genuine efforts to understand her perspective, Phillip started transforming his dominating personality into a more balanced and empathetic one.
Rebuilding Trust and Emotional Connection
Slowly but steadily, Phillip and Gina worked together to rebuild their relationship. They learned to value each other’s opinions and emotions, prioritizing trust, mutual respect, and emotional connection. They redefined their roles and found a balance that allowed both of them to contribute their strengths while honoring each other’s needs.
The Path of Personal Growth
Phillip’s journey taught him that being born to dominate was not a justification for controlling behavior but a challenge to overcome. He realized that true strength lies in embracing vulnerability, nurturing relationships, and fostering an environment of love and understanding. Phillip dedicated himself to personal growth and became an advocate for healthy relationships, sharing his story and encouraging others to reflect on their own behavior and its impact on their loved ones.
Phillip’s transformation serves as a reminder that even those with dominating personalities can change, grow, and create harmonious and fulfilling relationships. It requires self-awareness, humility, and a willingness to confront and address one’s flaws. By doing so, individuals can break free from the patterns that hinder their personal and interpersonal growth and build stronger, more loving connections with their partners.